Keeping Pace Read online

  I don’t know how long we stayed connected on those stairs, gasping for breath, holding on to each other. After Josh pulled out of me, though, he helped me to stand. My entire body ached where it had been abused in his enthusiasm, but it was the good kind of hurt. Well, except for my knees. Those puppies screamed their indignation. I sat down again, the trembling in my muscles signaling I was in no condition to walk just yet.

  Josh descended the stairs, used condom in hand, and returned to find me still sitting there, daydreaming. I relived every single moment, cherishing them all. Stamping them in my mind. Tomorrow when I awoke, there would be no second-guessing about what I’d done under the influence of intoxication. Tonight was all about his wants and mine. The comfort we’d found in each other.

  He offered me his hand, helping me to rise. “Come on,” he said flirtingly, “let’s head upstairs. I’m not done with you.”

  Chapter Six

  The second time was as intense and as earth-shattering as the first. The only difference this time was that Josh whispered sweet words to me when he wasn’t kissing me. The ocean of comforter I loved to sleep beneath swallowed us as we moved. He was a thoughtful lover, twice satisfying my needs before surrendering to his own.

  Afterward, I lay draped across his chest, his heart thumping beneath my ear. His fingers twirled lazily around my damp strands of hair. Above us, the ceiling fan with its sleepy circling cooled our relaxed post-coital high.

  I didn’t want to spoil the mood, but I had to know. “I don’t know how to ask this Josh, so I’m just going to charge forward, ’kay?”

  “Sure.”

  He sounded so fatigued I felt a little guilty. But not guilty enough not to ask. “What are you doing here?”

  “You don’t want me to stay? I’m…sorry.”

  Josh shifted, ready to leave the bed, and I realized he misunderstood my question. “No—no, you’re welcome to stay the night. I meant, why are you here? What is it you want from a woman old enough to be your mother?”

  His hand drifted over my bare breast. My nipple pebbled immediately beneath his touch. “I’m housesitting for my folks for the summer while I work on my dissertation. And I do any and everything to procrastinate, including just being a nosy neighbor staring out the window. A few weeks ago I saw you leave the house. You were wearing a yellow sleeveless shirt and a black pair of slacks. Your hair was tied up in the back, I think.” Josh kissed my shoulder. “And you looked so sad.”

  I struggled to remember that day, already knowing the outfit he’d described. It’s a standard in my wardrobe during the late-spring, early-summer seasons.

  “I’d heard about your husband. I’m sorry. He was a nice guy. He helped me fix the spokes on my bike one time.”

  “I didn’t know that.”

  “Figured.” He paused. “Anyway, when I used to watch you back when he was alive, I don’t think I’d ever seen you sad the way you were that day. I knew I just wanted to see you happy again. The fact I remain perpetually hard around you doesn’t hurt.”

  I laughed as he’d intended me to. “Way to boost a girl’s ego.”

  “Look, Regina, I want to take you out. I want to learn all about you and have you learn about me. This isn’t just about sex. I want to make you smile again, if you’ll let me.”

  “But it doesn’t make any sense.”

  “Does it have to make sense?” He put his hand beneath my chin, directing my face toward his. Those beautiful green eyes had turned smoky in the dim lighting of my room. “The difference in our ages doesn’t matter to me at all. I just want to be with you.”

  The first thing that came to mind popped out. “I’d like that.”

  I couldn’t promise him next year or even next week, but I was very okay with taking this one day at a time. I wanted to be able to say that the difference in our ages didn’t bother me as well, but I’d be lying.

  He’d exhausted me to the point I wanted to scream for sleep, but at the same time, I realized how I missed having someone to talk to. “Talk to me, Josh.”

  “What else do you want to know?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. Why physics, for example.” His previous reluctance to discuss his future career intrigued me.

  He sighed. “When people think you’re smart, your career path is kind of set up for you.” I nodded but said nothing. “I took all of these advanced math and science courses during undergrad, and I got good grades. But when I took my first physics course, it was like asking me to breathe. It completely clicked for me.”

  “That’s pretty cool.”

  “If it’s what you want to spend the rest of your life doing, it would be.”

  He sounded so bitter I didn’t know how to respond at first. “What would you rather do?” I asked quietly.

  “I don’t have a fucking clue.” His jaw tightened. “Sorry. I didn’t know what to do with the rest of my life back then, so I started collecting degrees. The next thing you know, I’m a single paper away from having a doctorate.”

  “And you still don’t know what you want to do now?”

  “I’ve had foundations and businesses courting me since I left undergrad. Haven’t settled on one yet.”

  “But what is it you want?”

  “I’m just drifting from day to day…”

  Until now, I’d thought of Josh as so sure of himself. Look at the tenacity with which he’d come after me. Why it surprised me that beneath his mature exterior huddled a man very much his age, I’ll never know.

  I thought briefly of offering some platitude, but as quickly dismissed it. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his chest, tightening them in a fierce hug. I remembered what it was like to be in his position and didn’t envy him at all. He returned the hug, holding me like that for the longest time during which we didn’t speak. Eventually I heard the rhythm of his breathing change, and before long, I followed him into sleep.

  The following morning I managed to slip out of bed without awakening him. A pink satin robe hung on the bedpost, and I shrugged into it. Despite my yearning for a shower, I needed coffee even more. As I turned to leave the room and get the requisite pot of coffee brewing, something made me look back.

  Josh looked peaceful this morning, the tormented young man from the night before gone. His thick, dark lashes rested against his cheeks. Stubble had grown along his jaw and neck. A light dusting of hair covered his chest, turning into a vee that ventured in a line below his belly button. The sheet hindered my view of the delights farther down, but I’d witnessed his prowess firsthand already. With a smile, I managed to leave, figuring I’d be treated to even more as time went on.

  When I entered the kitchen, my heart threatened to stop beating. The simple romanticism of Josh’s gesture made me melt inside.

  I stepped closer to the table, in awe of my lover who’d left two long-stemmed pink roses in wait some time during the night. They were wrapped in the familiar white tissue paper, the buds still closed tightly. Once they bloomed, they would be beautiful. With gentle care, I unwrapped them and stood them next to the two already in a vase.

  I’d just taken my first sip of coffee when he entered the kitchen, his blue jeans hanging low on cut hips, his chest bare. One of the sexiest parts of a male body has to be where the abdomen meets pelvis, the lines of muscle there proclaiming his physical fitness. His hair had been finger-combed, the shadow of his jaw making him seem older.

  “Good morning,” I said breathlessly. Already my body responded to his presence with pulses of need.

  Josh didn’t speak, instead brushing past me to pour himself a cup of coffee. I furrowed my brow as I watched him down the almost scalding liquid in a few quick swallows, not sure how to interpret his behavior. He put the empty cup on the counter next to where I stood, then planted both hands on either side of me. Josh looked into my eyes for a few seconds before lowering himself to the floor.

  Still not speaking, Josh parted the opening of my robe, exposing my nudity. When he leaned forward
to put his mouth over my pussy, I closed my eyes.

  The heat from his mouth made me jump. The coffee had heated it superbly, and the intensity almost made me draw away. Josh growled softly and pushed his body between my thighs. That didn’t even satisfy him enough. The next thing I knew, he draped my leg over his shoulder, and I was helpless to his onslaught.

  My hands tightened on the counter’s ledge as Josh feasted. His tongue slid through my folds, exploring all of it. He pushed inside my cunt, drawing out the cream before focusing on my swelling clit. The licking there began tentatively, almost meant to tease. But soon he flattened his tongue, stroking over it as if he tried to taste all of me at once.

  My breathing became more ragged as all of my attention centered on the places Josh touched. He kept one hand on my thigh, the other beneath the curve of my bottom, forcing me to endure him. Between my thighs had been sore this morning—too sore for another romp with Josh—and, in another show of his maturity, perhaps he’d recognized this. Last night had been so hot and heavy with burning desire. We’d jumped past the part where I explored him, and hopefully when he would explore me with nibbles, licks and questing fingers. Josh made up for it now in spades.

  He kissed me until my womb fluttered. I threw my head back, my robe falling open the rest of the way, exposing my breasts. I had the urge to pinch my swollen nipples, balancing some of the glorious sensation.

  Josh must have seen the urge in my eyes. “Do it,” he said between licks. “Touch yourself. I want to see…”

  I didn’t think. I just did.

  My breasts were heavy, the skin smooth and supple. My areolae had tightened until the darker pink areas were little more than crinkles and ridges. But my sensitive nipples were swollen, flushed and aching in their need to be touched. I can’t say that I proceeded with boldness, for in truth I was shy to be so vulnerable in front of him. Some women can spread their thighs with abandon before their lovers, showing them the most intimate part of themselves without reservation.

  I’m from a generation which called it “down there” and, heaven forbid, never spoke of masturbation. It’d taken the patient attention of my husband to show me the beauty of sharing myself with him. He’d taught me to not blush when saying “pussy” or “cunt”. With time, I might have blossomed on my own, but Patrick was like the rain and sunshine to my fertilized seed.

  His influence allowed me to roll my nipples between thumbs and forefingers, to revel now in Josh’s attention. He’d pursed his lips around my clit, pulling on it until my legs trembled. Then he lapped up the juices coating the insides of my thighs until I was sure I would collapse in a boneless heap. He curled two fingers inside me, smoothing over a sweet spot that made me cry out with release.

  I was tipping over a chasm, falling and then floating over it. My entire body shook as the orgasm blanketed me, rendering me senseless and unable to move or even call out to my lover. I felt the erratic racing of my heart beneath my breast, the only sign from above that I’d survived the erotic assault.

  Josh continued to lap at my clit, long and slow, the broad part of his tongue covering my labia before gliding over the hardened nub. It was a torment I gladly suffered. He eased me down from my high with little nibbles that I found pacifying. His mouth brushed the hair on my mound before stopping to caress the curve of my belly. He teased the little indentation in its center moments later before running his lips beneath the curve of my breast.

  Capturing my hands between his, he pulled them away from my breasts, forcing me to stand uncovered before him. Josh suckled on one erect nipple before crossing over to the next, where he suckled again. He gave it one last lick before kissing his way to the base of my neck. There he grazed my skin with his teeth, skimming more heat along my jaw until at last he found my lips.

  I’d been panting through them, scarcely able to capture my breath when Josh covered my mouth with his. He held my arms aloft as we kissed, the taste and scent of my pussy exploding on my senses. He found my tongue with his, and he curled around it, pulling until I tingled down through my toes.

  When at last he pulled away, he wore a seductive grin. “Now it’s a good morning.”

  Chapter Seven

  By Monday morning, I’d had more sex in one weekend than I’d had over the past two years. We ran out of condoms more than once, and Josh left me alone long enough to retrieve reinforcements. I didn’t want to know where he got them from nor did I ask. I was too busy being amazed by his staying power. Not only that, he wanted to try everything with me and do it everywhere. The office, the shower, and even the garage hadn’t been spared. The few times I’d complained of being too sore, he’d gladly suggested my butt for use.

  I’d politely declined.

  Not to say that I’m opposed to anal sex, but it wasn’t something I’d done before. I figured if our relationship was going to last, I could save at least one “first” past our initial forty-eight hours together.

  As I strode past Linda this morning, I couldn’t stop smiling. The blush I’d managed to stifle to a healthy flush, but my lips wouldn’t stay sealed. “Morning, Linda,” I mumbled, keeping my head down.

  “Good morn—” Despite the fact I hadn’t slowed down, I could almost feel her curiosity grow. She hooted loudly, and that did stop me in my tracks. “About damned time!”

  I faced her head-on, squinting my eyes. “What?”

  “What’s that look?”

  “What look?” I feigned interest in my red sleeveless turtleneck and calf-length skirt.

  “All right, missy. When you feel comfortable enough, you’ll tell me about him, but for now I say about damned time.”

  “Linda!” I laughed. If she wanted the sordid details, it would take more than innuendo and guessing to get them out of me. I was still wrapping my mind around the fact I’d begun a relationship with someone. His age, unfortunately, remained a big pink elephant in the room.

  Any sane person in my position would tell me to move on. Why was his youth such a big deal?

  I blame that too on my generation. The same one that expected men to go to work while wives stayed home and raised children. Where a wife’s duty was to forgive her husband after his mandatory midlife crisis affair. The world may be changing, but often too slowly to keep pace with the gossips.

  Still grinning, I said, “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “That wiggle in your step does.” She chuckled to herself but went back to typing at the computer.

  I made my way into my office, trying to disguise the hitch in my giddy up. I would kill Josh when I saw him again. At least we wouldn’t have sex again.

  Well, not at first.

  The day passed quickly, during which I received one blush-worthy text from my lover. I admonished his cheekiness and warned that if he didn’t get at least five pages done on his dissertation, there would be no dessert—typed in all caps—for him later. I assumed he went back to work, because I didn’t receive a reply.

  As I was packing up to leave for the day, a good thirty minutes earlier than my usual time, Lou stopped by. I tried to tell myself that no matter what he asked or told me, I would not let it ruin my good mood.

  And yes, I was in a good mood. I often thought about Josh and what we were doing. I thought about the long conversations we’d had in the night. The sleepy morning reflections, even the banter during meals. I recognized the new us as certainly going through the honeymoon phase of this relationship. That what I’d needed all this time was finally at hand and made me cling to it with a desperate hope for more.

  “Checking out so soon?” Lou asked, snapping my attention back to his presence.

  “Yeah. I have a few things to take care of this evening.” One of these days I would have to get a handle on the way my face heated up. “Did you need something before I left?”

  “No, it’s not that.” His gaze roamed my face, studying me. “I just wanted to check on you and how you’re doing.”

  I tried no
t to frown. Where was this coming from? “You mean the Beth thing? It’s all good. I wish her well.”

  “How are you doing, though? We used to be friends. I feel like we’re not anymore.” He perched one hip on my desk. For some reason, the way his pocket gaped open during that motion commanded my attention.

  “We’re still friends, Lou. Unless you know something I don’t?”

  “When Patrick was alive, we used to go out a lot. Even after he passed, you and I went out a few times.” His hand crept closer to mine, almost as if he wanted to curl them together.

  I toyed with the idea of mentioning Josh to him but decided it wasn’t fair and also was unnecessary. Lou knew better than most how to play the political game. Once he’d been promoted over me, all bets were off as far as he and I were concerned. If he wanted to go out again, there was nothing wrong with doing so, just as long we both understood it could only be as friends.

  “Of course we can meet for lunch any time you want. Just name the time and place, and I’ll be there.”

  The corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. “Good. I’ll hold you to it.”

  We said our good-byes, the conversation still puzzling me when I got home. I felt like there was more, as if maybe he’d wanted to have a conversation with me but needed an excuse to do it. For his sake, I hoped he wasn’t sick or plagued with equally bad news. No matter what he thought, I did enjoy his company. Maybe I’d distanced myself a little from the people I hung out with when Pat was alive, but he wasn’t alone in that position. I’d have to work harder on being less antisocial.

  I opted to skip my evening glass of wine in lieu of a quick shower. If last week was any indication, Josh would be over within minutes of my arrival.

  I rounded the bend to the stairs, stopping when a familiar sight greeted me at the back door. Two lovely long-stemmed pink roses wrapped in white tissue paper stood propped against the glass.

  “Oh, Josh,” I murmured. If I wasn’t careful, I could awaken one day to find myself developing feelings for him. At this stage in my life, I needed only a lover. I wondered for the first time what Josh hoped for.